Happy Family
by drivenbyrevenge
Summary: This is what happens when I stick Yugi,Yami,Marik,Malik,Ryou,Bakura,Tea,Seto and some others into a house & let them run riot while I sit back & write about the goings on.Craziness, mild violence and a heap of other friendly happy fun stuff!
1. Mossy Birthday Bakura!

Chapter 1: Mossy Birthday, Bakura!

**A/N: Heyheyhey, I'm drivenbyrevenge. I usually write crazy A/Ns but imam try and just get on with this, all right firstly here's a few notes to explain a few things **** I give warning: The first chap isn't very funny, it's more of a lead up to more stuff etc, so if you aren't laughing, it's fine **** Ok, I do not have a name for this yet, sorry about that :P**

**Yami Marik is referred to as Malik in this (yes I know some people do it the opposite way, I don't care.)**

**Yami Bakura is Bakura and Hikari Bakura is Ryou, you'll be familiar with that set up.**

**It is indeed, a comedy, so at times you will question my sanity.**

**While I may have a bunch of guys living together, there's no yaoi or shonen-ai, sorry about that. (you want that go read to To Touch You).  
Okay, that's enough rambling from me, read on. I own nothing.**

After winning a duel against Seto, Yami has convinced him to let them all stay in his mansion, separate rooms of course. Somewhere along the way Bakura and Marik invited themselves as well on the agreement that everyone would try and get along, Seto, feeling overwhelmed, gave in.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Bakura looked disdainfully down at the creation before him. It was supposedly a birthday cake, made by Marik…but it seemed to represent a grey ramshackle building, tall and teetering dangerously to one side, a collection of brightly lit candles looking up at him. There was some greyish cream lining the second layer and iced writing on the top which apparently said: Happy birthday Bakura.

Bakura sighed and looked up. He was at the end of the table, Yami on his right, eyes at the sky probably praying he didn't have to eat the cake. On the left Yugi was staring at the cake with a terrified expression, Tea looked as if she would vomit at any time and Kaiba was smirking. Malik looking annoyed like he usually did and of course, directly opposite Bakura was Marik, an expectant expression on his face, party popper poised in his grip

"Give it a try, Bakura! It's much better than the others! I didn't even need recipe this time!"

Ryou sniggered from where he was standing behind Bakura, remembering Marik's month of practice cakes, each more daunting than the last. Bakura hesitated then shouted.

"That's the door! I'll get it!" He rushed out.

"I didn't hear the…" Yugi began before Kaiba clapped a hand across his mouth and sneered.

"Shut it! If it doesn't get cut, we don't have to eat it…"

Yami shot them a look of agreement and Ryou smiled a little. Marik stayed oblivious.

"I decided to make a blue cake," Marik explained, "It seems to have gone a little grey, but it matches Bakura's personality now."

"What was that?" Bakura glared coldly as he came back from the door, at which no-one had knocked.

"Just sayin," Marik shrugged, "Now c'mon, try the cake!"

Bakura glared, "You owe me big," He sat and cut a tiny slice of the strange smelling grey-green 'cake'.

"Woo!" Marik pulled the string of the popper making Yugi fall from his chair in panic and dive under the table, clinging to Yami's leg.

"I want a black coffin, indigo satin lining….write that down," Bakura nodded at Malik who snorted.

Bakura took a bite of the cake, which tasted salty…and strangely…moist…Bakura gagged and looked up, "Marik…what the fuck is in this?"

Marik just smiled and said proudly, "The secret ingredient, is moss."

"MOSS? The cake is make of moss?" Bakura stood up, scooped some of the cake in his hand and hurled it at Marik. Marik wiped cake from his face and stood up.

"Why are we attacking the baker?" Marik whimpered.

"Look at what you did to my hikari!" Yami showed Marik his leg, to which Yugi was still clinging, muttering about the apocalypse.

Yami went to punch Marik before Tea intercepted, "Look, it's late…" She pointed at the clock showing 11pm, they'd been up all day waiting for the cake to cook, "Let's just get some sleep. Seto you have our rooms ready?"

Seto nodded, "I didn't want to spear too many rooms because I'm a selfish cheapskate like that, so we're all sharing rooms, two people to one."

Marik, immediately rushed off to prepare for bed, after years of sleeping in the same room as Malik, he'd taken to sleeping with several hessian bags over his head, to block out the eye of Wdjat which Malik hadn't figured out how to turn off.

With Marik gone, Seto began to tell everyone who they were paired with, "Yugi, you're with Malik."

"Yay…" Yugi twitched as Malik gave him a friendly slap on the back, making him jump a mile high in the air.

Seto rolled his eyes, "Bakura you're with Yami…"

"What idiot decided that…" Yami glared at his enemy.

"Tea, you're with Marik, who I guess is already in bed…and Ryou you're with me."

Ryou frowned, "Why aren't we just in logical pairings where we'd all get along?"

Seto snorted, "Obviously because that wouldn't suit the writer's plans."

With that they all dispatched to their rooms.

**A/N:**

**Okey dokey. There ya go! The first chap. Sorry it's short, I have more planned but it seemed right to end it there. More will be up tomorrow **

**Please review, it means a lot. Thanks for reading.**


	2. Good :smash: Night!

Chapter 2: Good –smash- Night!  


**A/N:**

**The awkward moment when you realise the only people reading and reviewing are your friends. Seriously, if you're gonna read and not review then you can just fuck off right now, thanks, I get that enough with my other fics and frankly I'm over it. This won't be as funny as I would like, I haven't written humour for ages and I'm rusty. –oils self-**

**I own nothing, Kazuki Takahashi does. **

Tea changed and walked into her room, she'd be sleeping head-toe with Marik, Seto hadn't even gotten them separate beds, the cheapskate! Marik was lying in bed, with about four hessian bags over his head as well as a black bit of cloth wrapped around where his eyes would be, and a sleeping mask. Actually this was because he was so sure he'd be paired with Malik, he always slept with these extra accessories to block out the light on Malik's forehead.

"Surely I'm not that ugly!" Tea said, defensively, before crawling into bed, looking forward to a good night's sleep. She folded her arms, and curled up, feeling quite ugly, thanks to Marik.

In Yami and Bakura's room, at least things were quite. The bed sat in the corner, unoccupied. Each of them had a chair at opposite sides of the room. They were giving each other their best death stares, glaring at one another while shuffling their decks, something they planned to do all night, or at least until the other looked away.

Bakura twitched a little. _Must not take eyes off…Pharaoh…must stare forever!  
_

XXXXXX

"Can you turn that thing off?" Yugi squealed, cowering from the amazingly bright light, coming from Malik's forehead. It was so bright! 

Malik looked slightly embarrassed, "Um, no I haven't work out how too yet…"

Yugi just whimpered a little more and pulled the sheet over his head, before bursting into tears.

"It's good to read by though," Malik chuckled darkly, pulling a World Domination handbook from nowhere and opening it.

Yugi chewed nervously on his fingernails, "Oh…okey dokey…"

Things weren't going much better in Seto's room either. He was moving about quite violently, in his sleep, yelling about Kaiba Corp's place on the stock markets.

"Whattaya mean we're down 0.5%?" He screamed.

Ryou, who was laying on his stomach, stirred a little in his sleep but didn't wake up. He didn't wake up until Seto landed on top of him in a rather suggestive position, thinking he'd tackled one of his cheating business partners. With his mouth being suffocated in the pillow and the delusional and half asleep Seto on top of him, Ryou could do nothing.

Marik, still with the bags on his head, got up and tried to make his way to the toilet. He stumbled blindly down the hall, opened the first door he could find and walked in, vaguely mumbling, "Is this the bathroom?"

"Marik!" The bathroom's that way!" Yugi cried, jumping up and pushing his rival in the direction of the bathroom. Yugi sighed and went back to bed, not that he was getting any sleep, what with Malik humming the mission impossible theme, still reading the World-Domination book.

Ryou was panicking, and struggling as Kaiba continued to strangle him from behind, "HELP!" He finally screamed out.

Bakura dropped his deck and jumped up, "I know that innocent cry for help! Imma comin' Hikari!"

Bakura raced to his Hikari's room, to see Seto on top of him, making violent movements, "What the fuck are doing to Ryou?" Bakura screamed, and howled like a wild-cat as he leapt from the floor, to the bed, tackling Seto down with him and bashing his head violently on the floor, "You pervert! No one touches Ryou like that! No one!"

Seto, who was still half asleep, woke and began to struggle momentarily, before Bakura hit him again, rendering him unconscious. Ryou, shyly looked up, not exactly sure what had happened, and at the sight of Bakura standing on the unconscious Seto, he too, blacked out.

Bakura glare down at the CEO he was standing on, That'll teach you to try and rape Ryou!"

XXXXXX

The next morning, the breakfast table was a terrible sight. Malik was at the head of it, three plates of bacon eggs and other greasy things in front of him, he was chatting on cheerfully to Yugi, as he was under the impression the they were on great terms after staying up all night. Yugi, absolutely terrified of Malik, was cowering underneath Yami's cape, Yami was eating toast, giving everyone strange looks. Seto was looking around glumly, sipping juice through a straw, his jaw was so bruised he couldn't eat and his arm was in a sling. Marik was digging in to a stack of pancakes and someone had allowed Ryou to have a block of chocolate for breakfast. He was eating it happily, oblivious to the what had happened last night as he didn't really remember.

Kaiba was receiving threatening looks from Bakura and he didn't know why, not to mention that he couldn't explain why he was in such pain.

The doorbell rang and in came none other than Joey Wheeler.

"Hey hey! Pimpity pimpy pimps!" He grinned, walking over to Seto's self-serve buffet and grabbing himself cereal, English muffins, fruit salad and bacon.

"Just what we need," Yami facepalmed as Joey began eating.

"Well considering that last night went so well! What's on the agenda for today?" Tea grinned.

Marik put down a drawing of a world domination plan and grinned, "I've decided we're holding a talent show!"

"Who allowed this?" Yami frowned.

"What's the matter, pharaoh? Don't have a talent?" Bakura grinned, evilly.

Yami stood on his chair, "I'll have you know that I have many talents!"

"Oh yeah? Like what?" Thief king teased.

"I can give orders, play cards and worship cats!"

"Oh forgive me your highness, I'd forgotten your mighty skill," Bakura said sarcastically.

"That's not how you plot their doom!" Marik broke a plate on Malik's head and took the world Domination book away from him.

"What do you mean?" Malik growled , "Insignificant hikari!"

Marik face palmed himself dramatically, "I mean it has no style! No flair! C'mon, blowing up the president? I'm not sure that's very original…"

"You do better!"

"Fine!" Marik grabbed his notebook and a pencil, then showed the result to Malik.

Malik sighed, "This is a picture of you on a flying throne, and you're saying, 'Mwhahahaha'….How is that a world domination plan?"

Marik sobbed, offended, "It was more original than yours!"

Malik tore up the drawing, "We'll discuss this later, they might hear us," He nodded at their breakfast companions who were listening intently.

"Jumpin' leprechauns!" Joey gasped as Bakura threw Joey's entire plate of food at Yami's face.

Picking cereal from his hair, Yami growled, "When you see my strip show tonight, you'll be sorry!" 

**A/N:**

**Bread bread bread bread! -licks bread- o.0 hehehe. Review or I kill…this teddy bear…heheheh! XD**


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